This Tame Your Inner Dragons page explores a new and essential part of the Saboteurs and Allies project — not a philosophical reflection or tradition-specific guide, but a compassionate companion section for working with our most difficult inner voices.

Before we delve into specific techniques, it’s essential to grasp a foundational truth: We are not the dragon, and we are not the whisperer. We are the space in which both meet. To truly tame our inner dragons is to realize we’re never one thing. We are a complex tapestry of fear and hope, fire and flight, hesitation and trust. Every voice within us matters; each has something vital to teach. Taming them isn’t about changing who we are, but about becoming big enough to hold them all. This journey is about acknowledging and integrating every part of our inner world, fostering a holistic partnership within ourselves

Table of Contents

Don’t try to train your inner dragons; tame them.

We are not here to slay our saboteurs or command our allies like pets or subordinates. We are here to tame them — to listen, understand, befriend, and ultimately form a partnership with every voice inside us, no matter how dark or bright.

Why Tame, Not Train?

How to Tame Your Inner Dragons

The shift from “train” to “tame” isn’t just a word swap — it’s a mindset.

To train is to dominate. It’s to compel compliance. It suggests hierarchy: master and servant, coach and athlete, leader and subordinate. It is based on rules, consequences, rewards, and restraint. Training works when the goal is performance, obedience, or control. But our inner dragons don’t work that way.

To tame here is meant to be different. It is not about dominance. It is about bonding.

Taming is the way of a horse whisperer — gentle, patient, curious, and deeply respectful. It is a process of building trust. Of meeting fear with stillness. Of building a relationship that doesn’t erase wildness but honors it. Where training uses power, taming invites partnership.

More than just negative thoughts

Saboteur voices, often manifesting as fire-breathing dragons, are more than just negative thoughts. They are complex inner mechanisms, frequently forged in moments of old pain or as crucial survival instincts. These voices can develop from early childhood experiences, where perceived threats or vulnerabilities led to the adoption of protective strategies. For instance, a “Critic” might emerge from a childhood where perfection was demanded to gain approval, while a “Pleaser” could stem from a need to avoid conflict.

Societal pressures, cultural expectations, and significant life events can also contribute to their formation, shaping them into the “protectors” they once were. Although their initial intent was to shield us, over time, these patterns can misfire, hindering growth and connection rather than safeguarding us. Understanding their developmental roots allows us to approach them not as enemies to be slain, but as parts of ourselves seeking a healthier way to be heard and integrated. They cannot be trained into silence; they can only be tamed into wisdom.

And our allies — our winged, visionary dragons — are not soldiers either. They emerge when we create safety, when we listen without pushing, and when we build a home for them inside us. Taming them means welcoming what is tender, fierce, or shy within us and learning to fly together.

This is not about control. This is about companionship. About shared direction. And about a new kind of courage — the kind that looks inward and stays.

Expanding “Why Tame, Not Train?” for Inner Voices

The distinction between “taming” and “training” becomes profoundly evident when we address our inner landscape. Trying to “train” an inner voice implies a desire to control, suppress, or even eliminate it. However, our inner dragons, especially saboteur voices, don’t respond to such dominance. These voices often originated as protectors, arising from past pain or survival instincts. Attempts to silence them through rigid rules or forceful consequences typically fail, leading to internal resistance or a more intense manifestation of the unwanted behavior. For example, telling a “Critic” to “be quiet” often amplifies its negative pronouncements, leading to increased self-doubt. Similarly, trying to force a “Winged One” to emerge before safety is established can cause it to retreat further, hindering the very dreams it carries.

Conversely, “taming” our inner voices is about building a relationship based on trust, understanding, and respect. It acknowledges that even the “Fire-Breather” has a purpose, often a misguided attempt to protect us from perceived threats. By approaching these voices with curiosity, patience, and stillness, we can uncover their underlying fears and needs. When the “Critic” is met with a listening ear instead of a command, its intensity can soften, revealing the vulnerability or past hurt it’s trying to shield. This shift from confrontation to compassionate inquiry allows the saboteur to transform from a destructive force into a source of wisdom.

Creating an environment of psychological safety

For our inner allies, the “Winged Ones,” taming means creating an environment of psychological safety where they can freely emerge and lead. We don’t demand their presence; we invite it. This gentle approach fosters a sense of belonging for our hopeful, courageous, and creative aspects. It recognizes that our visionary dragons flourish not under command, but through genuine welcome and understanding. Taming them means learning to fly together, not by dictating their flight path, but by fostering a shared direction built on companionship and trust. This subtle yet profound difference allows all inner voices to find their rightful place in our internal chorus, leading to true partnership and a new kind of inner courage.

Move with your dragons

Move with your Dragons - Tame the Dragons Within

Move with your dragons the kind that looks inward and stays. Let your body express what your fire-breather feels like (tight shoulders, clenched fists) or how your winged one might stretch (open arms, lifted chest). Our inner landscape is deeply connected to our physical experience. “Moving with your dragons” involves inviting your body to express what these inner voices feel like. Consider how a “Fire-Breather” manifests physically: perhaps as a tightness in your chest, clenched fists, or shoulders hunched as if guarding yourself. When you feel this tension, instead of resisting it, try gently exaggerating the posture for a moment, then slowly releasing it. Notice the sensations without judgment.

Conversely, a “Winged One” might inspire a feeling of lightness, expansion, or a desire to stretch and open up. Allow your arms to lift, your chest to broaden, or your spine to lengthen, embodying that sense of freedom. These movements can deepen the connection and reveal hidden messages through embodiment. This physical expression can unlock hidden messages and deepen your connection to your inner world.

Exercises

For a short exercise, close your eyes and bring to mind a recent situation where an inner voice, positive or challenging, was prominent. Pay attention to any physical sensations. If it’s a “Fire-Breather,” notice where the tension resides. Can you gently lean into that feeling, perhaps by tightening those muscles slightly, then consciously softening them?

An exercise I’ve found helps with this is:

  1. Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
  2. Close your eyes and clench your fists (or all muscles) tightly for 30 seconds.
  3. Slowly exhale and fully release, then inhale gently.
  4. Notice the stark contrast between tension and relaxation.

This method teaches the nervous system to recognize and let go of stress. Over time, you’ll learn to release tension before it hijacks your energy—taming your inner dragons with greater ease. I discovered that it’s called “Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR).” It’s suggested to to help Release Tension, Relieve Anxiety or Insomnia. See also Progressive Muscle Relaxation Exercises.

If it’s a “Winged One,” where do you feel openness or lightness? Can you amplify that feeling with a gentle stretch or an expansive breath? This practice isn’t about controlling the emotion, but about acknowledging and integrating it through embodiment. This is know as “Somatic Anchoring for Expansion.” See Appendix: Somatic Anchoring below.

These exercises also remind me of when I used to train in Tai Chi & QiGong with Lee Holden. He’s since created a YouTube Channel – Holden QiGong where you’ll find a variety of body exercises that also help with mental and emotional state.

Whisperers, Not Warriors

Whisperers, Not Warriors - Tame your Inner Dragons

In a world that glorifies slaying our demons, we offer another path — not of force, but of finesse. Like a horse whisperer approaches a wild stallion, we approach our inner dragons with presence, not pressure. We don’t break them. We meet them where they are — until they meet us back.

This is the essence of a Talent Whisperer.
Not one who commands performance, but one who listens it forth.
Nor one who tames through discipline, but through dignity.
And not one who silences, but one who helps all voices find their rightful place in the chorus within.

What a Dragon Movie Teaches Us About Inner Dialogue

Popular culture isn’t always wrong. In How to Train Your Dragon, young Hiccup discovers what happens when we stop fighting dragons and start listening to them.
What he finds in Toothless isn’t a threat to be subdued — it’s a partner waiting to be understood.

That shift — from slaying to curiosity, from dominance to trust — is the very heart of this work.
Like Hiccup, we must learn that the fiercest parts of ourselves may simply be wounded, waiting to feel safe.
And the most powerful allies? They don’t respond to force. They appear when we get still, reach out, and whisper:
“I’m not here to fight you. I’m here to meet you.

Taming as Sacred Bond: What Avatar’s Banshees Teach Us

Navi soring the the clouds on a Banshee depicting the bond, emotional connection and the resulting exhilaration in flight

In Avatar, the Na’vi tame their dragon-like companions — not through power, but through presence. To bond with an Ikran (banshee), they don’t yell commands. They don’t use force.
Instead, they get still. And, they wait. And then they connect — braid to braid, breath to breath.

See Jake’s First Flight. This is the iconic scene where Jake Sully bonds with his banshee (Ikran) for the first time and takes flight. It captures the exact moment where fear turns into trust, and wildness becomes partnership — a cinematic embodiment of the principle: Don’t try to control your inner dragons. Tame them — and fly together.

This powerful scene captures that crucial emotional shift—when Jake and his Ikran move from fear to trust, creating a lifelong bond. It beautifully parallels the themes on taming inner dragons:

  • Stillness before trust: Jake stays calm while the banshee tests him.
  • Mutual respect opens connection: Neither dominates; they listen to each other.
  • Partnership over dominance: Flight is only possible once they bond.

It’s a visceral, visual metaphor for what we’re calling us to do with our inner saboteurs and allies—not train them but tame them through presence, trust, and co-creation.

That bond — tsahaylu — is permanent. Sacred. It’s not about controlling the creature. It’s about syncing with it so deeply that flight becomes shared.

This is taming at its truest. The same stillness, courage, and deep listening is what your inner dragons ask of you. Especially the fiercest ones. They don’t need training. They need to be met — and braided into partnership.

Understanding Your Inner Dragons – Cultivating Partnership

Two Dragons Live Within Poem - Saboteurs and Allies.png

Our inner world is populated by many voices, but here we focus on two mythic archetypes:

  • The Fire-Breather — dark, defensive, and powerful. This is the saboteur dragon. It breathes fire when afraid. It hides vulnerability behind rage or perfection. It was forged in past pain — built to protect us — but often misfires.
  • The Winged One — light, curious, and expansive. This is the ally dragon. It carries dreams, compassion, and courage. It gives us wings when we feel grounded in safety. But it too can disappear when not welcomed.

Taming both dragons means acknowledging their place in our story. We don’t exile the fire-breather — we learn its patterns, speak its language, and build trust until it no longer needs to burn. We don’t command the winged one — we clear space for it, invite its presence, and let it lead when the skies open.

This isn’t dominance. It’s dialogue.

Reflection Moment
  • Which dragon has felt dominant in your recent experiences?
  • What situation last awakened your Fire-Breather? What did it protect?
  • When do you feel your Winged One begin to rise?
  • What environments help it soar?

The Dance of Yin and Yang

Understanding Your Inner Dragons - Cultivating a Partnership

Before we meet the dragons directly, it helps to remember an ancient truth: every force contains its complement.

In Taoist thought, Yin and Yang are not opposites in conflict — they are partners in motion. Yin is often associated with shadow, stillness, protection, and grounding. Yang with brightness, movement, growth, and expansion. One cannot exist without the other. Each contains a seed of its counterpart.

Our inner dragons reflect this same duality:

  • The 🐉 Fire-Breather is our inner Yin — rooted, reactive, protective, forged in stillness or fear.
  • The 🕊️ Winged One is our inner Yang — expansive, hopeful, rising toward light.

To tame our inner dragons is not to pick sides, but to learn their rhythm — to notice when we need grounding and when we need lift.
Neither is right or wrong. What matters is that we listen — and partner with both.

Rituals of Taming The Inner Dragons

Taming is not a one-time act — it’s a practice. A ritual. An ongoing relationship.

Some starting points:

  1. Name the dragon — personify the voice. Is it the Critic? The Pleaser? The Rebel? Giving it a name makes it easier to meet.
  2. Ask what it wants to protect — even saboteur dragons are trying to help. What fear lives beneath the flame?
  3. Create a safety signal — for both dragons. A gesture, breath, or phrase that says “you’re heard.”
  4. Draw the dragons — or imagine them vividly. Give them a body, wings, color, voice. See them not as abstract thoughts but as full characters.
  5. Dialogue in writing — journal from the voice of each dragon. Let them speak. Let yourself answer. Make space for something new to emerge.

These rituals shift the inner dynamic. They build respect. And they allow even the fiercest parts of us to soften into insight.

Micro-Ritual Toolbox

3-Breaths and a Whisper
  • 3-Breath Dragon Greeting
    When waking up, greet your inner dragons with three intentional breaths—one for fear, one for courage, one for curiosity.
  • Winged Whisper
    Before creative work, invoke the Winged One with a stretch or mantra.
Shadow Seat – Befriending the Fire-Breather

In moments of discomfort or emotional turbulence, invite the Fire-Breather to sit beside you—literally or imaginatively.

  • Sit in stillness and say softly, “You can be here. I’m listening.”
  • Ask: “What are you guarding?” or “What fear are you holding?” This builds trust through non-resistance and honors its protective role.
Breath of Both Wings – Balancing Yin and Yang

Use breathwork to acknowledge both dragons before a challenging or creative task.

  • Inhale slowly through the nose as if drawing in the strength of the Fire-Breather (grounding, protection).
  • Exhale fully, inviting the lift of the Winged One (vision, courage). This ritual integrates dual energies and prepares you for balanced engagement.
Dragon Dialogue Journal – A 5-Minute Inner Check-In

Each morning or evening, write one line from each dragon:

  • Fire-Breather: “I’m afraid of…” or “I’m trying to protect you from…”
  • Winged One: “I believe in…” or “Let’s explore…” Then respond with one line from your observing self: “Thank you. Let’s move forward together.” It turns reflection into ritual, making inner partnership a habit.
Sanctuary Signal – Creating Safety for Inner Allies

Before inviting your Winged One to lead, signal psychological safety:

  • Touch a symbolic object (stone, pendant, talisman) or repeat a phrase: “You are welcome here.”
  • This anchors the invitation and allows visionary energy to emerge gently.

Dragon Voice Guides

Use these map to identify common dragon archetypes and their emotional roots

Fire-Breather Archetypes
ArchetypeCore EmotionProtective Function
JudgeShameEnforce morality,
avoid being wrong
ControllerAnxietyMaintain safety
through control
SticklerFear of chaosPrevent mistakes,
demand precision
PleaserFear of rejectionMaintain harmony,
gain approval
Hyper-AchieverInsecurityProve worth
through performance
VictimHelplessnessReceive support or
avoid responsibility
Hyper-RationalEmotional detachmentPrevent overwhelm
through logic
Hyper-VigilantDistrustDetect threats
before they strike
RestlessDiscomfortAvoid stillness,
chase stimulation
AvoiderPainEvade conflict or discomfort
Inner CriticSelf-doubtDrive improvement,
punish flaw
GremlinInner crueltySabotage hope,
reinforce pain
General SaboteurSurvival instinctBlock vulnerability,
suppress growth
Winged-One Archetypes
ArchetypeCore GiftEmpowering Function
IntuitionKnowingGuide decisions
through inner wisdom
ValuesIntegrityRoot identity
in what truly matters
CuriosityWonderDiscover new paths
and perspectives
PresenceStillnessDeepen awareness
and acceptance
CourageBoldnessMove forward
despite uncertainty
Self-CompassionKindnessSoften the inner critic,
offer grace
EmpathizeConnectionUnderstand and
support others
ExploreOpennessVenture beyond
the known with curiosity
InnovateCreationImagine beyond constraints
NavigateWisdomSteer through complexity
ActivateMomentumHarness energy for
meaningful action

Sample Dragon Dialogues

🐉 Fire-Breather: “Don’t risk that. You’ll fail. Everyone’s watching.”
👤 You: “I hear you. You’re trying to keep me safe. But I don’t need to be invisible to be safe. I’ve got this.“

🕊️ Winged One: “Let’s try. Let’s leap. I think we can.“
👤 You: “Thank you. Let’s do it gently. But yes. Let’s fly.“

🐉 Fire-Breather (The Procrastinator): “You don’t have enough time. It won’t be perfect. Just wait until tomorrow.”
👤 You: “I hear your fear of imperfection and the pressure to perform. But delaying won’t make it easier. Let’s just start with one small step, and we can adjust as we go. It doesn’t need to be perfect to be progress.”

🕊️ Winged One (The Innovator): “What if we tried something completely different? Let’s brainstorm wild ideas!”
👤 You: “Yes, I feel that excitement. Let’s create space for those possibilities. We can explore without commitment, just for the joy of discovery.”

🐉 Fire-Breather (The Over-Thinker): “You need to analyze every single angle. What if you miss something? This decision is huge.”
👤 You: “Thank you for trying to ensure thoroughness. I appreciate your desire to be prepared. We’ve gathered enough information. It’s time to trust our intuition and move forward, knowing we can adapt.

🕊️ Winged One (The Compassionate Advocate): “Offer them grace. See their struggle. You can support them.”
👤 You: “I feel your gentle strength. Yes, leading with compassion is our path. Let’s extend understanding and find a way to offer genuine support

These are not imaginary exchanges — they are emotional negotiations. They rewire how we relate to self. They teach us how to lead from the inside out.

One Body, Many Dragons

We are not the dragon, and we are not the whisperer.
We are the space in which both meet.

To tame our inner dragons is to realize we’re never one thing.
We are fear and hope, fire and flight, hesitation and trust.
Each voice matters. Each one has something to teach.
Taming them isn’t about changing who we are —
It’s about becoming big enough to hold them all.

Integrating Your Inner Wisdom: A Lifelong Practice

Taming your inner dragons is not a destination, but an ongoing journey. Integrating this newfound understanding into your daily life cultivates deeper self-awareness and resilience. Consider these practices to sustain your partnership with your inner voices:

Daily Check-ins: Dedicate a few quiet moments each day to listen inward. Ask yourself: “What inner voices are active today? What do they need to express?” This consistent attention strengthens the dialogue.

Mindful Pauses: When you feel a “Fire-Breather” beginning to ignite, or a “Winged One” stirring, pause. Take a few deep breaths and acknowledge its presence before reacting. This small pause creates space for conscious response, rather than automatic reaction.

Journaling for Insight: Continue to use dialogue in writing. Regularly journal from the perspective of your dragons, and then respond from your place of awareness. This can reveal evolving patterns and new insights.

Embodied Awareness: Periodically check in with your body throughout the day. Notice physical sensations associated with different inner voices. Gently moving with these sensations, as explored earlier, can deepen integration.

Compassionate Curiosity: Approach every inner voice, no matter how challenging, with the same gentle, patient, and curious attitude you would offer a wild stallion. Remember, even the saboteur dragons are often trying to help, albeit in misguided ways.

This continuous practice of listening, understanding, and befriending your inner voices transforms internal conflict into a powerful, harmonious partnership, allowing you to lead from the inside out.

Tame Your Inner Dragons Infographic

See Also

  • Saboteurs and Allies – Main Page: The full guide to inner voices, wisdom traditions, and psychological safety.
  • Facing the Dragon – Inspired by Dr. Rebecca Dupas
    A poetic reflection on inner voices, shame, and self-recognition — inspired by Dr. Rebecca Dupas’s How to Slay a Dragon.
  • Taming Your Inner Dragon — Sheelagh Aston: A writer’s guide to meeting the inner critic (“your inner dragon”), acknowledging its protective intention, and learning to tame its voice rather than fight it.
  • How to Tame Your Inner Dragon — Peleg Top: A creative perspective on befriending inner dragons and unlocking inner angels once the dragons are understood—not oppressed.
  • The Art of Taming vs. Training: A thoughtful analogy explaining the difference between
  • How to Tame Your Inner Critic — Melli O’Brien: An evidence‑based approach focusing on mindfulness and self‑compassion to “tame” harsh inner voices into supportive inner allies.
  • Taming Our Dragons — Feel Good Therapy: A clinical exercise for recognizing and challenging “dragons” as thoughts and beliefs, guiding them to serve rather than control.

Appendix 1: Somatic Anchoring for expansion: connecting with your body for personal growth

Somatic anchoring for expansion refers to using your body’s sensations to create a sense of safety, stability, and presence, which in turn allows for personal growth and expanding your capacity to handle challenges. 

Key aspects of somatic anchoring

  • Mind-Body Connection: It recognizes that our physical sensations, thoughts, and emotions are intricately linked. Somatic practices help you become more attuned to these connections, deepening self-awareness.
  • Self-Regulation: Somatic anchoring empowers you to regulate your emotional responses by understanding and working with the signals your body sends. This can be particularly helpful during periods of stress, anxiety, or trauma recovery.
  • Building Resilience: By grounding yourself in the present and learning to navigate difficult sensations, you can build your capacity to tolerate discomfort and respond to challenges more effectively.
  • Expansion Beyond Limitations: A strong sense of bodily safety and awareness can create the foundation for releasing limiting beliefs, exploring new possibilities, and fostering personal growth. 

Somatic anchoring techniques

  • Breathwork: Focused breathing exercises help calm the nervous system, release tension, and bring your awareness to the present moment. For example, slow, deep abdominal breaths can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation.
  • Body Scan Meditation: This involves systematically focusing attention on different parts of your body, noticing sensations without judgment, according to the Trauma Therapist Institute. It enhances body awareness and can reveal areas where you might be holding stress or tension.
  • Grounding Exercises: Techniques that connect you to the physical world around you, such as feeling your feet on the ground, touching textured objects, or engaging your senses, can help anchor you in the present moment. One example is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, where you name five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
  • Movement Practices: Gentle, mindful movements, such as yoga, tai chi, or shaking out tension, can help release stored trauma and promote emotional release.
  • Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR): This involves tensing and relaxing different muscle groups throughout the body, helping you become more aware of physical sensations and release tension. 

Benefits for personal expansion

  • Emotional Regulation: Developing the ability to regulate your emotions more effectively, shifting from reactivity to a more mindful and balanced response.
  • Enhanced Self-Awareness: Gaining a deeper understanding of how your body, emotions, and thoughts are intertwined, leading to greater insight into your internal experiences.
  • Increased Resilience: Building the capacity to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and adapt to stressful situations without becoming overwhelmed.
  • Addressing Trauma: Somatic practices can help release the physical and emotional imprints of trauma stored in the body, promoting a sense of safety and healing.
  • Breaking Limiting Beliefs: By becoming more aware of how beliefs manifest physically, you can begin to challenge and release patterns that hinder personal growth, according to Radiant Wholeness Healing. 

By incorporating somatic anchoring practices into your life, you can cultivate a deeper relationship with your body, foster emotional resilience, and create a strong foundation for ongoing personal growth and expansion.