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Powerful Questions and Active Listening

Talent Whisperers Powerful Questions
Photo: Magdalena Roeseler

Powerful Questions and Active Listening enable more meaningful, effective and mindful one-on-one conversations, these basic tools that come in the form of questions to open or deepen a conversation. There are also some useful techniques to being an Active Listener which will allow thew other person to feel more valued and encourage/enable them to more effectively communicate what’s on their mind. These are core tools in a Talent Whisperer

Some basic powerful question pointers

Active Listening

Receive
Appreciate
Summarize
Ask

Before you respond in a conversation, take a breath. Not an enormous, loud, obvious breath that screams out “I am trying a new technique for better listening!” No, just a normal, simple, ordinary breath. That’s it. The whole technique, right there.

Mindful listening then is about being fully present when interacting with others.

Remember to allow others to finish their thoughts before starting (or even collecting) your own; notice non-verbal clues, whether they are tone of voice or body language; and encourage the speaker, through positive questions, eye contact, and focus.

Key points to remember with powerful questions

  1. Pay Attention – be sure you’re completely engaged in hearing what’s being said. Maintain eye contact, be present but relaxed. Commit this time to this meeting regardless of what else may have happened or needs to happen on this day. Avoid distractions. Be fully present.
  2. Withhold Judgement – don’t start thinking about what’s being said while it’s being said – keep an open mind. Don’t interrupt right away.
  3. Create silent moments – either after they’ve said something or you’ve asked a question to create a void that you’re hoping they will fill.
  4. Mirror – reflect back what you believe you heard,
  5. Clarify – ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand the full message (optometrist metaphor)
  6. Listen for what isn’t being said – Often this may prove to be the most important thing. What are they feeling? How are they saying it? What are the excited about vs eager to skip over? Are the avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, what their tone of voice, …?
  7. Bottom line – try to provide the tldr; / the executive summary.
  8. Share – introduce your ideas, thoughts, similar experiences, etc
  9. Acknowledge – listen for, appreciate and genuinely acknowledge meaningful accomplishments or insights.

Active listening techniques include

A serene and welcoming environment conducive to deep listening and meaningful conversation
  • Building trust and establishing rapport.
  • Demonstrating concern.
  • Paraphrasing to show understanding.
  • Nonverbal cues which show understanding such as nodding, eye contact, and leaning forward.
  • Brief verbal affirmations like “I see,” “I know,” “Sure,” “Thank you,” or “I understand.”
  • Asking open-ended questions.
  • Asking specific questions to seek clarification.
  • Waiting to disclose your opinion.
  • Disclosing similar experiences to show understanding.

The “Pregnant Pause” Technique

The technique of asking a question and then intentionally allowing a moment of silence after the respondent’s answer, often referred to as a “pregnant pause,” is a powerful active listening strategy. This deliberate pause serves multiple purposes: it gives the speaker time to reflect on what they’ve just shared and consider if there’s more they wish to add, often leading to deeper insights or more authentic expressions. Moreover, it signals to the speaker that the listener is genuinely interested in what they have to say, enhancing the feeling of being valued and heard.

This technique is a practice commonly used in coaching, counseling, and therapeutic settings. It is rooted in the broader concept of ‘minimal encouragers’ in active listening, where the listener uses subtle cues to encourage the speaker to continue. The theory behind this technique is grounded in the idea that silence can be as communicative as speech, creating a space for introspection and additional thoughts that might not surface in a rapid-fire exchange. This approach aligns with the principles of empathetic listening and person-centered therapy, emphasizing the importance of creating a supportive environment that encourages self-exploration and personal growth.

“Minimal Encouragers”

“Minimal encouragers” are subtle communication signals that indicate to the speaker that the listener is engaged and interested in the conversation without interrupting the flow of dialogue. These encouragers can be verbal or non-verbal and serve to prompt the speaker to continue sharing their thoughts. Here are some common examples:

Verbal Encouragers:

Minmal Encourager - a meaningful conversation between two culturally diverse male individuals, seated across from each other at a comfortable distance
  1. Affirmative Words: Simple acknowledgments like “Yes,” “I see,” “Uh-huh,” or “Go on” that show you are following along.
  2. Reflective Phrases: Repeating or rephrasing what the speaker has said in a questioning tone, encouraging them to elaborate. For instance, “So, you felt overwhelmed?”
  3. Prompting Words: Using short prompts like “And?” or “Then?” to urge further detail without leading the conversation.
  4. Clarification Requests: Gently asking for more information to clarify points, such as “Could you explain more about that?”

Non-Verbal Encouragers:

  1. Nodding: A simple nod can convey that you are attentive and encourage the speaker to continue.
  2. Eye Contact: Maintaining appropriate eye contact shows interest and engagement.
  3. Leaning In: Slightly leaning towards the speaker indicates that you are fully focused on what they are saying.
  4. Facial Expressions: Expressions of concern, surprise, or understanding can validate the speaker’s feelings and encourage them to share more.
  5. Open Body Language: Adopting a posture that is open and directed towards the speaker signals receptiveness and attention.

These “minimal encouragers” are essential tools in active listening, helping to create a supportive environment where the speaker feels understood and valued, thus facilitating more open and in-depth communication.

Powerful Question examples

Powerful Questions - What do you want
  • What do you want?
    • Can you tell me more?
    • Why does that matter to you?
    • What other ideas/thoughts/ feelings do you have about it?
    • How does this influence your choices at work?
    • What else?
    • What are the vectors in your life/job that matter (most)?
      • Learning/mastering?
      • Scope of responsibility?
      • Business impact?
      • Who you work with?
    • Why does it matter?
    • What is the biggest obstacle?
    • What is your biggest fear?
    • What would the 95 year old say to you about this looking back to where you are today?
    • What’s next for you?
    • What will you do before we meet next?
      • What’s the first, easiest step you can take?
      • Will you…?
      • How will I know?
  • What happened since we last met?
    • What’s good about what happened?
    • What could’ve been better?
    • What was the lesson?
    • Who else will benefit?
    • How can we ensure we retain what we learned?
  • If you could change one thing, what it be?
  • What do you NOT want me to ask you?

Powerful Conversations in the Age of Video Conferencing

An engaging and meaningful video conversation

In the era of widespread video conferencing, several unique considerations come into play to enhance the depth and meaning of conversations. The shift from in-person to virtual meetings requires an adaptation of traditional communication cues to maintain engagement and connection.
Here are some key factors:

Eye Contact

Achieving the semblance of eye contact in video calls can be challenging since looking directly at the camera rather than the screen is what conveys direct engagement to the other party. Placing the camera at eye level and occasionally looking into the camera lens can help simulate eye contact, making the conversation feel more personal and connected.

Video Framing

How you frame yourself within the video plays a significant role. Ideally, you should be centered with your face and part of your upper body visible, mimicking the perspective one would have in a face-to-face conversation. This helps maintain a sense of presence and engagement.

Background and Lighting

A cluttered or distracting background can detract from the conversation. Using a simple, professional background or a virtual backdrop can keep the focus on the discussion. Good lighting is equally important, with the main light source in front of you to illuminate your face clearly, avoiding shadows or backlighting that can obscure your expressions.

Audio Quality

Clear audio is crucial in video conferencing. Using a good quality microphone and minimizing background noise ensure that your voice is heard clearly without distractions. Features like noise cancellation can be beneficial in maintaining audio clarity.

Non-Verbal Cues and Gestures

Since a significant portion of communication is non-verbal, it’s important to consciously use gestures and expressions that can be easily perceived through the camera. Nodding, smiling, and using hand gestures can convey engagement and understanding, compensating for the lack of physical presence.

Active Engagement

Demonstrating active listening through verbal affirmations (“I understand,” “Interesting point,” etc.) becomes even more crucial in video calls to compensate for the physical distance. Short verbal nods also reassure the speaker that the audio is transmitting correctly and that they are being heard.

Screen Sharing and Visual Aids

Leveraging the tools provided by video conferencing platforms, such as screen sharing or virtual whiteboards, can add depth to the conversation, allowing for a more interactive and engaging exchange of ideas.

Managing Turn-Taking

In video calls, it’s easy to accidentally talk over each other due to slight delays or audio lags. Being mindful of taking turns and using features like raising hands or chat functions to indicate the desire to speak can help manage the flow of conversation more smoothly.

Check-ins and Breaks

Recognizing the potential for “Zoom fatigue,” it’s important to check in with participants, especially in longer meetings, and offer short breaks to maintain energy and engagement levels.

By being mindful of these aspects, video conferencing can become a more effective and meaningful platform for communication, bridging the gap created by physical distance.

The Optometrist’s Approach

a thoughtful moment in an optometrist's office, where an optometrist is assisting a patient in finding the perfect pair of glasses

Once, while doing remote coaching, I came up with a technique that helped us both ensure we weren’t missing anything by being remote. This helped ensure we were getting a clearer vision of what was at the core of an issue. In the debrief, the coachee described it being like visiting an optometrist to find what would help them see most clearly.

The technique of echoing back what you heard with two slightly different interpretations, akin to an optometrist trying on different glasses to find the right prescription, is a nuanced method in active listening and communication. Just as an optometrist presents a series of lenses, asking, “Is this clearer, or is this?” to finely tune the vision correction needed, this conversational technique involves reflecting back the speaker’s message in a couple of varied formulations to gain deeper clarity and understanding.

In practice, after listening to someone express their thoughts or feelings, you might respond with, “So, is what you’re saying more like ABC, or would it be more accurate to say it’s like XYZ?” This approach not only shows that you are actively engaged and seeking to understand their perspective fully but also provides the speaker with an opportunity to consider their own words from different angles. It’s a way of adjusting the ‘focus’ of the conversation, ensuring that the listener’s understanding is as clear and accurate as possible.

This method respects the complexity of human communication, acknowledging that thoughts and feelings can be multifaceted and that the first attempt at expressing them might not fully capture their entirety. By offering alternative interpretations, you invite the speaker to refine their message, leading to a more precise understanding, much like how the optometrist’s process results in the optimal prescription for clear vision.

See Also:

Powerful Questions

Active Listening

Powerful Questions are best paired with Active Listening

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